westernkanye: my voice is girly when I talk to strangers but when I’m with friends I turn into morgan freeman I get soo paranoid about this all the time (via mermaidtimelordpsychopathicmind)

westernkanye:

my voice is girly when I talk to strangers but when I’m with friends I turn into morgan freeman

I get soo paranoid about this all the time

(via mermaidtimelordpsychopathicmind)

riskpig:

woodelf68:

tsuki-leviathan:

artist-chan:

thewintersoulja:

frappemako:

the-one-inside:

someottersmarryhedgehogs:

noiselesspatientspider:

iheartuniversecookies:

angelas-extrasandstuff:

I would like to share this beautiful passage with all of you, it’s long, but worth it. And I swear to god I didn’t alter any of this. 
….
Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which is seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.Hilda looked at him expectantly.“Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.
….

DICK
ANEURYSM

GALLOPING ABS

Who told this lady she could write?

Why did she ever stop?

IT GETS WORSE THE FURTHER IN THE PASSAGE YOU GO OMG

i fukcing lost it at meat wand

DICK PARKINSONS

THERE IS A DRAMATIC READING OF THIS ON YOUTUBE
I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU LISTEN TO IT WITHOUT DRINKING ANY BEVERAGES
Cause if you do you are going to choke to death

I couldn’t keep reading, I was laughing too hard.

SHE GOT PUBLISHED, BUT AVON TURNED ME DOWN?

This killed me a bit
dahliatheoddchild:

satans-l0lita:

cardozzza:

bumfinger:

megxnmxrie:

“She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita.” ― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

Perfect bottom. Perfect.

Have you guys even read the fucking book? 
DELORES HAZE—LOLITA—WAS TWELVE YEARS OLD 
She was subjected to pedophilic groomingDrugged as her father figure attempts to molest her Raped multiple times by her father figure Who threatens to put her in foster care if she doesn’t comply Fuck, he married her mother just so he could continue to groom and then rape her.
If I’m not being clear enough, STOP ACTING LIKE THAT QUOTE IS FUCKING SEXY OR ROMANTIC. Fucking hell, I can’t believe I’m having to say this—and I can’t believe some fucked up asshole read this book and thought “Hmm, I really need to take this text and put it as a caption for a gif of my ass”.
You guys are fucked up, and I’m unfollowing anyone who reblogs this piece of shit uncritically. 

this^girl sadly lacks a artistic way of thinking and clearly do not understand the book at all, do not think you understand the way Mr. Nabokov is thinking, you should read a book, learn something.

Perhaps YOU should re-read the book yourself. The girl above you is completely right in every way. “Lolita” is written in Humbert’s perspective with the intention of manipulating the reader into thinking of the entire matter romantically and more sympathetic toward his actions. She has every right to be offended and disgusted with this post, and anyone who feels the need the disagree can bite their tongues because it’s just the reality of it. The book is not a love story, and it shouldn’t be romanticized. I’m not saying you’re wrong for enjoying the book or liking the idea of an older man with an underage and naïve girl; that’s completely your thing. HOWEVER, this gif has nothing to do with it, as Dolores was a 12 year old girl, a child. How a full-grown woman in skimpy and sheer lingerie relates to it is unknown in my opinion.
Case closed.
captain-snark:

moist-fondling:

themanicpixiedreamgrrrl:

Literally me when I hurt people

oh god oh god oh god im so sorry is it here did i hurt you here oh god im so sorry friend

OMG AT THE END WHEN HE JUST SCOOPS THE CAT’S HEAD TO HIS CHEST. FUCK.
In case anyone is having a bad night: heythereclifford: radiolightning: Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found Here are some fun sites Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies *tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head* You’ll be okay, friend <3 i will reblog this everytime it shows up because any of my followers could have a bad night right now (via forevermore-me)

In case anyone is having a bad night:

heythereclifford:

radiolightning:

Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found

Here are some fun sites

Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics

Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli

Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies

*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*

You’ll be okay, friend <3

i will reblog this everytime it shows up because any of my followers could have a bad night right now

(via forevermore-me)